Placing a family member in a nursing facility?

[Frank]

I am faced with something I never wanted to do, but really have no other choice. My mother is no longer able to care for herself and the care she would require is more than any visiting nurse or my wife and I could physically or financially handle.
I am the only child and the only one that can handle these matters. She has a little house, paid for. No other assets. I know the state would take over her SS checks (which makes sense), but I am not clear what else happens. I've heard they would take the house too and that its too late for me to get it into my name. I do not have Power of Attorney yet, but hoping to get that handled soon.

Have you been there? done that?

[68RR]

Been there, done that. Get an Estate Attorney NOW!

[Big A]

I was talking to my cousin about this last night actually, my Uncle is soon to be on that same situation. He's mentally deteriorated rapidly in the last 4-6 months, and I don't expect that it's reversible.

I dunno about the estate attorney, she and her brother have a solid relationship, and both have Dad's best interest in mind. In that situation I'd be hesitant to waste money on an attorney.

[white trash wagon]

Get a POA ASAP, take care of any outstanding credit cards, property taxes, etc. Research nursing homes on Medicare.gov, look for “nursing home compare”. Also check to see if there a reverse mortgage on the house. Then take care of any cars.

[black50]

been there...get an attorney and at least a medical POA...The assets have to be transferred 7yrs (used to be 5yrs) prior to them going into a nursing home to save anything from being liquidated by Medicaid/Medicare

[kingjason]

I know that my buddy put his grand mother in a nursing home a couple of years back. Now this woman had paid good money into taxes her whole life, she was in the nursing home maybe a two years or so and when she passed Medicaid or care sent him a bill for 250k. He sent them a picture of the 15.00 that was left after everything in the estate was settled. I haven't heard anything else.

[BP]

Sorry to hear about your mom and I hope you all get the help you need.

If she or your father are veterans they may have VA benefits, also if your father happened to be a freemason and was vested while they were married she may be eligible to live at the TMRC, a much nicer facility than most retirement homes.

If you don't have a lot of time to plan this out you probably should spend a couple of grand on a decent attorney that works with elderly care. If she ends up using medicaid the state will put a lien on her home and anything else she owns. You could probably sell it if you had a little more time but the state will want you to cash pay for the care for a certain time with the proceeds. You could probably get creative and have her sell it for the low end of market value so at least someone will benefit from the potential equity instead of letting the state take it.

[Tx Redneck]

Sorry to hear man, I'm fear I'm nearing this time myself with my Mom.

[Gasser64]

I am faced with something I never wanted to do, but really have no other choice. My mother is no longer able to care for herself and the care she would require is more than any visiting nurse or my wife and I could physically or financially handle.
I am the only child and the only one that can handle these matters. She has a little house, paid for. No other assets. I know the state would take over her SS checks (which makes sense), but I am not clear what else happens. I've heard they would take the house too and that its too late for me to get it into my name. I do not have Power of Attorney yet, but hoping to get that handled soon.

Have you been there? done that?

Why is it too late to get it into your name now? I'd probably burn a house down before I'd let the government scum have it. If it was paid off anyway. Whatever happened to drawing out a Will? Where she says she leaves the house to you, or it's to be sold and the money divided among you and your siblings.

[ceyko]

Honestly, it's always best to consult an attorney on matters of how to handle the assets. It's not that friends/family advice is even wrong but the details of forms needed, courthouse communications, taxes and so on need to be correct. Being an only child - it should be fairly clean.

They are not cheap, but all-in-all a small investment to be sure it all goes well without any backlash on you, your mother or the estate overall.

I would recommend taking a hard look at all the personal property and figuring out what you're going want to keep around and what you're going to want to liquidate. It would not be a bad idea to take a lot of pictures and video of everything....everything in the estate as well.

Tough times sir and sorry you're having to deal with it. Seems like we all do multiple times...etc and never a pleasant experience.

[John -- '02 HAWK]

Have you been there? done that?

Nursing homes are super depressing, and there is is always shady stuff going on trying to get money out of insurance companies. Things will always go missing due to forgetfulness, other old people thinking it's theirs, and genuine theft.

Viagra has caused a lot of senior citizens to get a lot of action, injuries, and STDs

Did she forget to pay her taxes on the house?

[Frank]

Nursing homes are super depressing, and there is is always shady stuff going on trying to get money out of insurance companies. Things will always go missing due to forgetfulness, other old people thinking it's theirs, and genuine theft.

Viagra has caused a lot of senior citizens to get a lot of action, injuries, and STDs

Did she forget to pay her taxes on the house?

Fuck dude, that is no help whatsoever. I'm already aware of these things.

[Frank]

Thanks for the kind words. She has 1 2/1 house worth very little. No vehicles, stocks, bonds, etc. No other properties. Yes there is a will, but it isn't where she said it should be, so I'm going to be turning the house upside down to find it.

As I understand and as others have told me, I would have had to have the house in my name years ago.

I have talked to a family attorney once, but I need to go ahead and retain one.

[shumpertdavid]

My grandma turned 94 on the 17, my dad was an only child and passed in 2015. She lives by herself and is self sufficient but fell and had to have a partial hip replacement in April. I got a power of attorney covered back in the summer but that's all we've done. She has multiple properties and I need to sit down and start sorting things out I guess, sounds like we are behind already of something happens. I don't want her to have to go into any facilities but the fact is if she were to lose mobility or require full time care it'd be necessary. This is an eye opener and my heart hurts for you.

[Frank]

Sharing my experiences so far...

Mom was out from Dec 10th to 22nd before she woke up. She is doing much better now, but unfortunately her situation hasn't changed.

The most common and worst advice I got frequently....

"Just put the house in your name and or sell it."
I've had 2 CPA's and an Attorney say "DON'T DO IT!".
Doing so would subject me to capital gains tax on the property at current market value. Also, if I sold her property now and she goes into a nursing home next month through Medicaid, the gov WILL come for all the money made on the sale. They can go back up to 5 years on any sales or "gifts" like this. They WILL come after you for it and if you spent it, too bad, you gotta pay up. If they get the house, its likely going to just sit and rot for years empty, owned by the government, until they decide to sell it and there isn't a thing you can do about it. They won't fix it up and sell it and you will watch your childhood home waste away.

I hired an Attorney who drafted the Durable Power of Attorney, Medical POA, and threw in the Advanced Directive. She was able to comprehend and sign everything in front of a witness and got a notary to come to the hospital. With her will and deed in hand, my attorney can file for a Ladybird Deed to protect the property from forfeiture so that I inherit it free and clear when she passes.

The will, deed, insurance, pre-arrangement docs, etc, were scattered in different placed. These things were not where she said I would find them and it took a couple of days of searching to gather them all up.
TIP: Find out now where these are kept, preferably in some fireproof box. Possibly even a safe-deposit box. If you are told these things are kept somewhere, make sure you see with your own eyes they actually are. Open them up and look at them to be sure its the paperwork your loved one "thinks" it is. My alternative was to draft another will and get a copy of the deed.

While I know most of you dfwstangers are lighting cigars with your fat bank rolls from O&G and choo-choo money, I have not been so fortunate to have an extra $3500+ a month falling in my lap. My Mom has Medicare and supplemental insurance. These DO NOT pay for extended long term like a nursing home or other skilled facility beyond 21 days (your policy mileage may vary) We will be forced to apply for Medicaid.

Medicaid will only allow you to have so much in total cash and assets and they will come after it if you aren't prepared. They will go back 5 years prior and collect. Learn about "Medicaid pay down". Fortunately she already had me on her bank accounts "just in case", so I can write checks. I have managed to pay off pre-arrangements, a credit card bill, and things that can ONLY benefit her or her property to get her total assets down to a certain amount.

There are a lot of good videos on youtube from attorneys talking about these things so you can learn more, but don't rely on that solely. Hire your own that is familiar with elder/estate law in Texas.