Favorite Sayings

[90vert]

Wrong tool for the job... "It's like trying to jerk off while wearing boxing gloves"

My older brother's wisest words... "Easy ass makes the world go 'round"

Drank too much and made an ass of yourself..."I woke up with shame on this shoulder and guilt on the other"

"The older I get the better I was"

"Those legs came up and made an ass out of themselves"

After a long day at work.."I'm draggin' with my dick in the dirt"

[Kimmypie]

I'm fuckin' this cat. You're just holdin' the tail.
*is it just me or are there lots of animals getting fucked & having their tails held??
My step-grandma used to say - Your hind end is full of blue mash - when she thought you were bullshitting her

[D3R3K]

A couple ive heard working in a shop. These have been used when a bolt ect. is hard to get out or real tight.

"Tighter than tick pussy"

"Tighter than fish pussy. You know that shits tight, water tight"

[krazy kris]

you could fuck up a nagger rock fight

you could fuck up a wet dream and not even be in it

[Leah]

You're fucking this monkey, I'm just holding the tail.

Regarding a emrgency run to the crapper:
"My shit/fart separator is on the fritz"

Those are both hysterical!

My dad always used to say "The devil is beating his wife" when it was raining while the sun was out.

Also, when he saw a BIG line of traffic coming and he was trying to turn out into it, he would say, "Who left the gate open?"

[YALE]

Yale is more Texan than the Alamo! (add that to the sayings list)
He's just "out of the country" for a while.

¡Simón! ¡Tejas por vida!

[HUNCH]

"If it ain't white, it ain't right"

"If it's black, give it back"

"If it's brown, turn it down"

"I like my women like I like my trucks. Big, black, and dirty"

"If it ain't pink, it's gonna stink"

"You're as useless as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest"

"Wrap it before you tap it"

"Hit it and quit it"

"Even the sun shines on a dog's ass every now and then"

"Shut your mouth when you're talking to me"

[Blakeski]

You're fucking this monkey, I'm just holding the tail.

I heard it was "I'm fuckin this chicken, you just sit there and hold the tail up"

[Neon131]

Yeah... Next time you have an idea, let it go.

Good idea, I didn't use your correctly.

[71chevellejohn]

Oh, I've contributed so ZIP IT. Your not even from Texas.

Yeah... Next time you have an idea, let it go.

[helosailor]

Oh, I've contributed so ZIP IT. Your not even from Texas.

Yale is more Texan than the Alamo! (add that to the sayings list)
He's just "out of the country" for a while.

[Neon131]

Tits, or GTFO.

Oh, I've contributed so ZIP IT. Your not even from Texas.

[beaner72]

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Does Howdy Doody have wooden balls?

Is a frog's ass water tight?

Is a pigs pussy pork?

[YALE]

"Snookie want smush smush"-Annonamous

Anonymous?

[Trick Pony]

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.